Really, SCOTUS?!?!?!?!

Good God, the latest decision by the US Supreme Court regarding the Hobby Lobby case is frightening! Your employer gets to pick and choose what health care services your health insurance covers if it offends their "religious liberty"!

I'm sorry, but when do YOUR religious liberties get to trample all over MINE?! You don't want to pay for contraceptives, fine! Don't offer your employees health insurance! That is not mandated by law! (Employers do not have to offer health insurance to employees under the Affordable Care Act. But if they don't, they have to provide a subsidy for people to have their own insurance through the insurance exchanges.) But you don't get to cherry pick what parts of the law you follow by crying "Religious Liberty! Religious Liberty!" That is when your batshittiness starts to dangerously encroach on my rights as a more rational human being! 

This is a worse decision than Dredd Scott or Plessy v. Ferguson! God save us all...

Diagnosis: Much Better!

Well, after some griping (and some much needed painkillers), I must say that my wrist/thumb/hand is doing much better! My only really bad day in terms of pain was a couple of days ago when I last posted. Yesterday, I only took a couple of over-the-counter painkillers--one dose in the morning, one just before bedtime. Today, I've been awake and about for almost an hour, and I have yet to take anything for pain because I have no pain. The surgeon did a really good job on the injections, too. No bruising--in fact, you can't even really see the needle marks unless you know where to look. I still have to keep my splint on for the next few weeks, but by the time school starts again (September), I should be splint-free! And I will basically only have to go back to the surgeon if the problem reoccurs. So here's to (hopefully) not needing any surgery!

The Wrath of the Hand Surgeon

Well, things at the hand surgeon appointment went a little like this:

Surgeon:  "Here are your options:  Surgery, which may or may not work, or a steroid injection, which may work better than surgery for the moment. If you get the steroid shot and still don't feel better, then surgery will be an effective treatment; however, without the steroid shot, surgery is basically a big, risky shot in the dark and may not fix the problem. The steroid shot will help regardless of what the underlying problem is."

Me:  "Let's do the steroid shot, then."

*Surgeon pulls out two pre-filled syringes. One with an anesthetic agent and one with the steroid injection. Attached to each is a needle measuring about 3 to 4 inches in length.*

Surgeon:  "Do you like needles?"

Me:  "No one likes needles, but I have several piercings, a tattoo, and was once a phlebotomist. Needles don't really bother me."

Surgeon:  "Good. Here goes."

*Surgeon then injects the anesthetic directly into my wrist. It hurts like all bloody hell, then makes my whole hand go completely numb. Next he injects the steroid solution into the same spot in my wrist. It doesn't hurt as bad, it mostly just feels like he's injecting molten plastic into my wrist like it's an injection mold.*

Me:  "Not too bad."

Surgeon:  "Wait until the anesthetic wears off." 

Thankfully, the numbing agent lasted until about 2 p.m. today. But man, he was not kidding when he warned me about the numbing agent wearing off! I totally want my badass bitemouth cat to chew my arm off right now!

And he took my spiffy CD with the MRI and x-ray images of my fucked up hand and wrist! Very sad face! :(

Well, you see, it all went down like this...

Or at least that's what I'm going to tell the hand surgeon when I meet with him later today...

Still looking for some Skelegrow...

And I'm now going to be speaking all four of my languages simultaneously!

I went to the hospital today to pick up the MRI and x-ray images of my hand/thumb/wrist, and they're totally rockin'! Really awesome pictures of what could either be an occult fracture, severe De Quervain's tenosynovitis, or an incomplete Colles' fracture with reactive bone edema in the surrounding area!

This is totally awesome stuff to be looking at if you like healthcare science-type stuff!

Unfortunately, I can't share it with you (or anyone else other than the specialist I'm going to be giving the CD with the images to) because EVEN THOUGH IT CONTAINS IMAGES OF MY BODY, I don't have any authorized copy rights to the images! The imaging company who compiled the images onto the CD owns the copyrights to the material.

Goddamn corporate fuckwads!

Here in my car, I feel safest of all...

Thanks to my uncle, I'm getting a new set of wheels! It's about time! 

Pictured above is one of my favorite works of street art. *Love* that stuff!

Also, I'm gonna be totally trickin' out my white-girl non-'fro while ridin' like a cholo in my new vehicle!

Or at least as cholo as you get in a small SUV with 150,000 miles on it.

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to my dad, THE BEST DAD IN THE WORLD!, and my grandpa, THE BEST GRANDFATHER IN THE WORLD!

Love you two to pieces!

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there who are reading this! Enjoy your day!

They're going to make me bionic, I just know!

Meeting with a hand surgeon on June 23. Ironically, the surgery center sent me a nifty brochure with pictures of all of the doctors in the practice (and boring stuff, like information about contacting them, yada yada). The doctor I'm going to be seeing looks startlingly like the doctor in the Lichtenstein above. Weird...

This is me...

This is me in my spica splint.

Any questions?

Life just gets better...

Well, guess who now has an upcoming date with a hand surgeon in my very own surgical suite?

That's right! This girl! 

The MRI results came back yesterday. As it turns out, not only is that stupid carpal bone below my thumb fractured, but all of the surrounding tendons and ligaments surrounding it are torn and snapped. The synovial capsule (the fluid-filled capsule that cushions, supports, and protects the joint) is also ruptured, which is why I've got this lovely bone-on-bone feeling whenever I go to use my thumb and wrist. 

Lovely sucks, indeed!

So, I'll definitely be needing surgery on my thumb and wrist. So much for trying to find a job this summer and working.

I honestly wish I knew how I fucked up my wrist and thumb this epically so I could be sure to never, EVER do it again, no matter what, but since I don't, I honestly can't be sure it won't happen again. :(

Sucks sauce, indeed!

However, I am fortunate that I now have health insurance so that I can appropriately deal with this problem. I can honestly say that was I unable to go to the doctor, I would have never EVER dealt with this problem until it was too late. The doctors have told me that if I hadn't come in and had my thumb and wrist examined, eventually, the joint would've deteriorated to the point where my blood supply would've been completely cut off, and then I would've had to have my hand amputated. Yes, you read that right. I would've had to have my hand amputated. Not cool.

See, hands are kind of useful things to have attached to your body. We do so much with them and their nifty opposable thumbs. I would've been so sad to lose the hand, even if it wasn't my dominant hand. I'm very sad to only have partial use of my hand while it's splinted, so not having it at all would've been devastating. 

So I'm going to give a huge thank you shout out to President Barack Obama for ramming the Affordable Care Act (a.k.a. "Obamacare") down the throats of the American people!

THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT!

See, if it wouldn't have been for the Affordable Care Act, I wouldn't have been able to afford to go to the doctor to get my wrist examined in the first place because I am poor and have no health insurance. (I also have several pre-existing medical conditions that would make any insurance I could get--which I was unable to find before the ACA was passed due to said pre-existing medical conditions--extremely cost prohibitive. Seriously. One of the cheapest policies I was able to get a quote for had a premium of $3,000 per month, and it had a really high deductible--like almost $12,000 or $13,000--so it was a pretty rotten deal.) And I most certainly wouldn't have been able to afford a fancy-ass invasive surgery and follow-up physical therapy.

All that boils down to is that if I hadn't received health insurance coverage under the ACA, I wouldn't have gone to the doctor until my hand was beyond saving, and I would've lost my hand to amputation. 

 So, yeah. I *LOVE* "Obamacare" and I *LOVE* President Obama!

That single piece of legislation has saved me from being a disabled amputee, which would've cost the public WAY more money (in the form of Social Security Disability payments, SNAP benefits, state welfare aid, Medicaid, and public housing costs, among others) over the cost of my lifetime than what it is going to cost them to foot part of the bill while I'm poor and currently unable to work. President Barack Obama is not penny wise and pound foolish, as the saying goes. He can definitely see the forest for the trees!

So, nice work, Mr. Pres! Nice work, indeed!

And again, a heartfelt thanks! When I was able to work, I used to do nursing assistant work, and I've taken care of people who were amputees, and their lives are not easy. And God bless every single one of them for the courage they show on a day to day basis. I'm just glad I don't have to join their ranks. So...    

THANK YOU AGAIN, MR. PRESIDENT!

But in the meantime...

Surgery is going to suck!

Unnecessary pain at the hands of another...

Monster

Monster:

Why?

You never see

The good

In me

If it's there

To see--

I never know.

Never right--

Never welcome--

Never adequate--

And so I tiptoe

On little cat's feet

Around who I am:

Never right--

Never welcome--

Never adequate--

Unknown to all,

Especially myself.

An incessant weed

Struggles through the

Twisted cracks

In my fetid façade--

It strains and

It yearns

To break free,

To expose itself

And its delicate,

Enchanting bloom

To the world--

To prove I'm

Not the horrible

Beast

You tell me

I am--

And,

Monster,

You come along:

Spewing venom

Over it,

Through it,

Down to its

Very fragile,

Tender marrow,

Knocking its mother-loving block off,

Tearing at its leaves,

Ripping off its petals,

Crushing it 'neath your

Cruel heels,

Snickering as you watch it

Simper,

Shrivel,

Wither,

And die--

Yet again.

Monster:

Why?

What did I ever do to you?

All I wanted

Was

Your love,

Your acceptance,

Your guidance,

And your

Friendship--

Nothing more.

Why don't I deserve that?

What did I ever do to you?

Please,

Please,

Please--

Tell me!

I'll do anything--

I swear

I will.

Just don't hurt me again.

Please don't hurt me again.

Reaction to having an MRI

An MRI is a rather unpleasant test. Especially if you are easily overstimulated and overwhelmed by loud noises, like me.

The procedure is simple enough. You lay on a bed that slides into the imaging part of the machine, which is a tight little white tube. I can easily see how people who are claustrophobic cannot handle this test at all. I could barely tolerate the closeness of the tube, and the only time I have issues with claustrophobia is when I am in trapped in a broken elevator. (Yes, I've been trapped in a number of broken elevators over the years, and I absolutely flip out when that happens. If you ever want me to crack and give you information during an interrogation, just put me in a stuck elevator for about 2 minutes. I'll be hyperventilating and in tears with panic, but I'll be so happy when you finally let me out that I will be fully cooperative once I calm down. Seriously.) 

You have to lay absolutely still for about 30 straight minutes while they image the part of the body that needs imaging. Guess who had the luck of having the most difficult area to image (according to the MRI techs)? Me. Yes, the most difficult area of the body to image is apparently the hand/wrist area because it's so difficult to keep still for that long. And trust me, when I say motionless, I mean motionless! It actually took about 45 minutes to get the images they needed of my thumb and wrist because your body will actually start to involuntarily twitch because the area that needs imaging is locked into a special cast-type thing that cuts off your circulation while you're being bombarded with magnetic rays. Fun, fun. But let me get to the best part...

Yes, the best part. The worst part of the whole thing for me was the noise level. The MRI techs know how noisy the machine is:  they even give you special ear plugs and headphones to wear while you're in the machine. They help, but not a lot. The noises made by the machine are literally a combination of boat foghorns, car horns, and trains (and are about the decibel level as though these things are going off at full volume 3 inches from your head) constantly for the entire length of the imaging procedure. If you don't like loud noises because you literally find them physically overwhelming (like me), this test is a horrible thing to have performed. I was literally shaking from physical exhaustion and in tears from sensory overload after the test was over, but I did really well (according to the MRI techs). 

In short, I don't want to EVER have one of those again if I don't absolutely have to. CT (a.k.a. CAT) scans are much better. Even if they don't involve fuzzy little felines. (Yeah, I've actually had a CT scan, and it wasn't so bad. But then again, I didn't turn out to be allergic to the contrast dye.)

But now I have a new procedure to add to my list of hated medical procedures to have performed list:

1. Colonoscopy
2. MRI
3. Dental surgery to remove severely impacted wisdom teeth

*Note:  The dental surgery only makes the list because it was so painful. Until I got narcs. It got all better after I got the narcs in me. That's why it fell to #3 on the list--the redemption of the opium poppy. Otherwise, it would've been #1.  

I won't know the results of the MRI until this Friday at the earliest, so I'll post again when I get the results.

At last, my love has come again!

The Blessed Relief

Hello, old friend,

How long it's been--

But at last--

The Blessed Relief--

We meet again.

Surer than any gallant stallion lover--

Truer than any bosom friend--

You're back in my life again.

The Blessed Relief--

Praise Jesus!--

You're here again.

You make all right in the world,

The greater universe,

And,

Most importantly,

In me.

You came back

In a haphazard way--

My clumsy, broken ass

Finally fell into a date with you.

I hold you in my trembling hands--

An ecstasy no lover,

No matter how adept,

Has ever brought to me,

A sense of peace

No faith

Could ever instill

In my unquiet soul,

Oh, sweet Blessed Relief!--

My dear, you're back!

How I welcome you

Into my arms,

My veins,

My blood,

My soul!

I love you more than life itself,

My sweet Blessed Relief!

My hands tremble,

Tears form in my eyes,

My dear--

You're here!

I've needed you so

These lonely, somber years--

A small, ecstatic gasp escapes

My tired, parched lips

As I let you in,

As I allow you

To swallow me

In our mutual sin--

Come to me lover,

How've ya been?

Oh sweet Blessed Relief--

How I love you!

MRI day!

Prepping for an MRI includes removing any and all metal jewelry from your body.

So I had to take them out.

Yes, the ones I never remove.

Yes, all of them.

Yes, even that one.

I feel strangely naked now.

And the wind crept in on little cat's feet...

Somebody has taken up sleeping in her "toy box"...