And I'm sorry I have to address this...

Dear Exes of Past, Present, and Future,

Please stop saying you're sorry to me!

You call, text, e-mail, etc. (whatever), months, sometimes years, later to apologize. For what? It obviously didn't bother you to treat me like shit at the time that you did it, or even for some time afterwards, given the length of time it took you to finally get around to contacting me to apologize. 

I have no real use for your apology now, so why bother to hunt me down just to give it to me?

Oh, I see. It's because you feel guilty about the way that you treated me. Now that I can only fathom that karma finally came around and bit you in your selfish, mean-spirited, narcissistic, duplicitous ass and gave you a large helping of the way you treated me all those eons ago, you finally get it. Sometimes, the way you treat others, when you act out of regards only to your own selfish wants and needs, hurts other people. Join the damned Broken Hearts Club.

I'd say congratulations on having some personal growth for once in your life, but since I've lived with this sacred knowledge my whole life, all I can say is:  It's about damn time.

Because your apology isn't really about me and my feelings. If it were, you'd let sleeping dogs lie and not contact me any more. I don't contact you any more for a reason:  because you are a bad, selfish, self-centered person with no regards to my--or anyone else's--feelings.

But, no. You contact me, drag up rather painful memories and feelings that I've managed to successfully bury, just to say that, at last, you're sorry. 

Sorry for what? Again, given the length of time it took many of you to get around to apologize to me, it took a long damn time for you to develop half a conscience and develop some tiny inklings of remorse. It apparently didn't bother you for a long damned time that you were nothing short of a phenomenal asshole to me. Why bother to care about my feelings now? You didn't care about them at the time, or even for quite some time later, so why do you care about them now?

Oh, I get it. You're sorry you hurt me. Yet, when you come around, dredging up unpleasant feelings and memories I would much rather forget, and I get upset at these recollections, you have the nerve--yes, the nerve--to chastise me for being upset and for questioning your ulterior motives.

That proves that your apology wasn't about me at all. It was about you. You and assuaging your self-righteous guilt. 

Because if that half-assed apology was even remotely about me and my feelings, you wouldn't have given it in the first place because I didn't need it. I moved on with my life. Yes, when you drag up unpleasant remembrances in my life, the pain is still there sometimes. It's hard when people have made you feel second-rate and small and unworthy--it hurts every time it comes up on its own, without your martyrish apologizing to remind me of it. How dare you chastise me for the way I felt and still feel, though not as strongly, all this time later? Here's a hint:  when you apologize to someone, you don't get to choose their reaction to the apology. Especially when they know you're only giving it for self-serving reasons. And if that apology was truly about me, and not about your own selfish desire to soothe your own selfish little soul, you would've been contrite and humble, not arrogant and caustic and critical. Sometimes, part of apologizing is having your ass handed back to you on a plate. It's a learning moment--as in, you should never do it again. To anyone.  

But you know what? I don't let your bad treatment of me in the past define me or my interactions with others. I am used to people in my life making me feel worthless, and I just get up, brush the dust off my shoulders, put one foot in front of the other, and keep going, day after day, with the hopes that someday someone will treat me well. 

I don't get half the apologies I need from who I truly need them from on a daily basis, so I sure as hell don't need yours. Your insincere, self-righteous apology was not only not needed, it was not appreciated. I don't give a damn about what you think about me because you clearly don't give a damn about what I think about you since it clearly doesn't bother you to treat me like an asshole in the first place. 

Your apology is like a steaming shit bicycle to this beautiful mermaid. You can take it and keep it cuz I sure as hell don't want it.