My semester at college got underway as of January 9, and what a ride it's been!
First, I found out that the college cancelled for the entire semester two classes I needed to take as prerequisites for the pharmacy technician program I want to enter in the Fall 2014 semester. They won't be offering those classes again until the Fall 2014 semester, so if I want to complete my pharm tech certification by May 2015, I have to test out of those classes before the end of this semester (which is at the end of this April). Those two classes won't be any big deal to test out of because they were just basic typing and formatting classes. However, needing to completely rearrange my schedule because I had to take at least 12 credit hours to keep my financial aid was a huge pain in the ass. Fortunately, I found several classes to fill that void and ended up transferring out of a Monday morning 8 a.m. class. (Awesome sauce!)
The next thing was a computer class I'm required to take to earn my degree. (It's a requirement for every degree or certificate that my college offers.) I completely dropped that class because--literally--the first three chapters that were going to be covered were "how to pick out a computer if you've never bought one before," "exploring the layout of your computer's desktop," and "opening and closing programs." No, I'm not making that up. After just one night (the first night, where we were going over in great painstaking detail how to change your internet browser's cookie settings--GROAN!), I decided that I just couldn't stand taking a class that simplistic without becoming a vile and hateful soul for 14 weeks, so I decided to test out of that class, too. I was warned by both the instructor of that class and the test administrators at the college's testing center that the competency exam is "very hard," and I am taking them seriously, but I also wonder what I have to lose by taking the exam when the content of the course is basically geared towards Luddites. I bought a study guide for that exam on Amazon, and after reviewing the contents of that book, I figure I have a pretty decent shot of testing out of that class successfully if I study for the test. I'm not claiming to be the next Steve Jobs or Bill Gates, but I've been using computers on an almost daily basis since I was about seven years old, so I do have some idea of how to work one. I even have experience on Mac and Linux systems. And I was the shizz at HTML programming in high school. (Open bracket, close bracket. Not terribly onerous. It was also somewhat soothing when I was in one of my more anal-retentive moods.)
The first two computer class exams (typing and formatting) are worth three credits each, and like I said, I'm not worried about those. I still have a killer typing speed that has been carried over from my days as a typist. I just need to get accuracy up to snuff so my adjusted word per minute speed will fit within the tests' competency requirements. Also, if worse comes to worse, I could probably wheedle my adviser into letting me take the typing and formatting classes concurrently with my pharm tech classes. So nothing to lose sleep about there. It's the other computer class (the one that's a degree requirement) that has me rather wary.
The degree requirement computer class's (computer operating systems) exam is a beast all its own. While the class itself is only worth three credits, the exam to test out of it is worth nine credits, spread over three exams. It has the added benefit that if I successfully complete all three exams, I will receive a nationally-recognized certification that I can put on my resume to indicate I'm all special and stuff. (Or something. However, the credential is nationally recognized, so it's something an employer would like to see on an applicant's resume.) However, obtaining the competency is an all-or-nothing thing. If I don't successfully demonstrate competence on all three exams, I don't get credit for any of them, which is a bitch because it basically screws you out of getting any credit if you bomb one of the three exams. Also, there is fee to take this series of exams--$150. That would totally hack me off if I paid to take those exams and then didn't get the certification. Another caveat: if I don't obtain the competency offered through this series of exams, I can't graduate at the end of this semester, and I'll be forced to take class covered by the exams. (Yeah. They only let you attempt to take the series of exams once. Nice, huh?) So there's a whole set of neuroses tied in with that. All I can do is study hard and try my best. And hope. (*Fingers crossed*)
The main source of apprehension about all of the competency exams I'm going to be taking has to do with the fact that should I successfully complete them, I'll qualify for graduation at the end of the semester with an Associate of Arts degree in Social Sciences. I'm not nervous about the concept of graduating--in fact, I look forward to it--it's that I'm paranoid that I'm not going make the cut this time out. I would feel pretty upset and mortified if I went to all of this trouble to attempt to graduate--studying for the exams, paying for the exams, submitting a graduation application, undergoing the pre-graduation degree audit, ordering a cap and gown, telling people that I could potentially be graduating, reserving tickets for the graduation ceremony--and I didn't make it. Personal failure is a rather deep-seated fear of mine, especially when other people know about it. People don't like that I can be aloof and secretive about myself and my plans, but it's a lot easier for me to accept a setback in my life when I don't feel like I have the scrutiny and condemnation and pity of other people. It's bad enough when I let myself down--I don't want to feel like I've let everyone else down, too. I realize that it's not a fatal thing if I were unable to graduate at the end of this semester, but it would definitely sting. A lot. Yes, I am incredibly perfectionistic about myself. It can be a good thing and a bad thing. It leads me to work incredibly hard and put forth very high quality work, but the self-doubt and self-criticism can be crippling. Rationally, I realize that it would be no big deal if I had to take those classes because I didn't do so well on the competency exams, but God, the frustration and the shame I'd feel about myself would be practically all-consuming. I know my friends and family wouldn't judge me, but that fact wouldn't give me any solace. I would judge me. And I'm the harshest judge of me. People who don't have that kind of an aspect in their psyche just don't understand what it's like to give something your all, only to have a nagging voice say "almost perfect, just not quite" when the endeavor is over. How nice it must be for people who can look themselves in the eye, pat themselves on the back, and say, "I did a heck of a job! I'm so proud of me!" All I ever hear from within is "You can do better, and you know it," no matter how hard I worked and how many contingencies I planned for and the number of details I made sure didn't get overlooked. In fact, I don't think I could ever come around to telling myself "good job" about anything I've done because it just wouldn't taste right in my soul. It would taste of arrogance and smugness and insincerity and dishonesty and it would make me sick, sick, sick because I couldn't believe it. Not one word.
But enough rumination on my deep-seeded neurotic perfectionism. That's not quite why I started to write this entry.
In addition to the competency exams I am taking before April 30 (so soon! too soon!), I am also taking four traditional-style classes this semester. (By "traditional-style class" I mean that you purchase a textbook and attend lectures and take quizzes and tests--you know, the way college classes have been conducted for eons.) I am taking medical terminology, introduction to healthcare systems (a general ethics course for people pursuing a career in the healthcare industry), human anatomy and physiology, and art history 2: French Revolution to present. So far, I am doing really well in all of my classes and learning a lot. The lowest grade I have received on any graded submission (test, quiz, paper, homework assignment, project, presentation, etc.) in any of my classes was an 88 percent. Most of my grades have been in the high 90 percents or perfect scores. At this rate, it is looking increasingly possible that I will make the honors list at the end of the semester, which has me totally excited. Not only will I be on the honors list at the end of this semester, but I will also graduate with high honors. My current cumulative grade point average is 3.68, and I'm pretty sure that my college makes a distinction between honors and high honors graduates. We'll see. But it will feel good to have that kind of distinction on my transcripts. It will also make it easier to further my studies should I decide to pursue that path in my life.
I am also taking an online class for credit this semester. It is called advanced fiction writing. The class started yesterday and runs through April 11. I've already started working on my first assignment, and tomorrow a new assignment will be posted for me to work on. I've never taken an online class before, so I'm adjusting to a learning format I am unfamiliar with, but I think the transition is going well. I have two weeks to complete each assignment, and I promise I will post my completed assignments on this page (along with my grades and instructor comments) for everyone who reads this page to have a chance to see my works. I will welcome comments and constructive criticism and will even kind of look forward to it. However, one rule will apply to comments from the peanut gallery: If you can't say it nicely, don't say it at all. I don't care if you don't like what I've written and you tell me so, but you need to do it in a considerate manner. I haven't been hateful to you, so you don't need to be hateful to me. Just some basic respect for all parties involved is all I ask.
So, that's what my life has been and will continue to be until April 30 (the last day of finals). It's a pretty intense course load. Between the classes I am taking for credit (12 credits) and the competency exams I am taking (worth 15 credits in total), it's like I'm doing one year's worth of college in 14 weeks. I am exhausted, but I'm not too stressed. In fact, I am enjoying the challenge and relishing the mental stimulation. So, in short, I'm really glad I decided to go back to school. It's totally been worth it.
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